PPC Blog and News

Increased sensitivity in the depressed partner

The depressed person is generally more than usually sensitive to criticism, and the well partner may have to be careful what they say. This doesn’t mean that argument is necessarily a bad thing, but the well partner has to be more circumspect in an argument, realizing that the ‘ill’ partner may be hypersensitive in many areas of life compared with the way they were before the depression started.

Relationship advice for keeping the ‘ill’ partner more active

It often seems that a vicious cycle develops in depression, in that the patient becomes inactive, perhaps having to be off work or otherwise missing out on normal activities. It can improve matters if they can be encouraged to do more things, even if sometimes they don’t seem to want to. A diary of daily activities can help to show if progress is being made, and both partners can monitor how their relationship problems are improving. Simple exercise can also be helpful in increasing fitness and improving morale.

What about sex?

Often a depressed person is less interested in sex than before, and the partner should be aware of this. It may cause conflict, but it may be possible to deal with it by discussion, by setting up a timetable or by agreeing on a temporary pause in this side of the relationship. In some cases the depressed partner’s sex drive is not actually reduced at all, but the well partner may think that it would be wrong to raise the topic, and in that case an open and sympathetic discussion may resolve the issue.

When the problem really lies in the relationship

In some couples, however, the depression is not the primary problem, but more of a reaction to difficulties in communication. The partner designated as the ‘patient’ may have slipped into a passive and withdrawn way of reacting to a dominant and possibly intrusive partner (see Chapter 6), and may therefore seem to be showing signs of depression. It is always worth asking the question as to whether the ‘depression’ gets worse when the couple are together, and if so whether they could do anything to alter it by treating each other differently. If you find yourself in this situation, it is well worth having a timed discussion with an agenda to see whether the non-depressed partner is doing anything to make the depression worse, because they could then do something to improve it.

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